We Must Be Brave Enough.

We expect everyone to be understanding and compassionate towards us…
 
… but so many of us are too scared to say what we really think, share who we really are, and tell people what we really want.
 
And nobody can relate to you or let you know you’re not alone IF YOU DON’T SAY ANYTHING about what’s really happening…
 
… if you’re not honest.
 
It’s blind to expect understanding and compassion from others if you’ve made no effort to be understood.
 
We MUST be brave enough to look at ourselves in the mirror… brave enough to treat ourselves like human beings worthy of respect.
 
That requires us to be brave enough to RISK.
 
Risk looking silly.
Risk looking crazy.
Risk looking _____________ that people make up because they feel uncomfortable and like to label people to diffuse that discomfort.
 
For many, fear of that risk alone is too much to bear… and they’d rather live life in a prison than admit they’re choosing to stay there.
 
Too often we look at life as happening TO US and we neglect to see how much control we have.
 
We can’t always control what happens, but we always choose our reaction to everything.
 
We don’t *have* to be stressed out.
 
We don’t *have* to be unhappy.
 
We don’t *have* to say yes to someone out of fear of repercussions if we say no.
 
It’s all in how we choose to see ourselves.
 
Do you choose to see yourself as a victim of things that happen to you…
 
… or do you see the things that happen as opportunities FOR YOU to learn, grow, and help others who have experienced similar things?
 
I don’t live my life to make other people happy anymore. SO much of my energy every day went to ensuring no one was annoyed with me — even though I was paying a lot of them!
 
I was so used to feeling like I had to fit into someone else’s life that I molded into what I thought I was supposed to be…
 
… instead of just being who I wanted to be.
 
I believed I *couldn’t* be who I wanted to be because other people in my life couldn’t handle it.
 
HOW BLIND I WAS.
 
I was literally sacrificing my own energy and sanity to keep other people’s pockets full of money… completely ignoring my own needs (spiritual, emotional, sexual… ALL the needs).
 
My business — and the money I could make — had become ALL THAT MATTERED.
 
*I* didn’t matter anymore.
 
I had allowed my VALUE as a human to be reduced down to my income potential.
 
And I was completely numb to it. That’s what depression and despair can do… completely numb you.
 
When Sleeping Caitlin started waking up — as soon as what I wanted didn’t align with “the company” goals anymore — I became a threat and a danger to the “peace” and was silenced. Literally.
 
Erased.
 
And the betrayal I experienced after a long season of depression and despair? I chose to look at it as the biggest blessing in disguise: that betrayal helped me make sense of EVERYTHING that had happened to me in my entire life.
 
Pain and suffering are only pain and suffering if you choose to see it that way 🙂
 
It is a CHOICE.
 
So I CHOSE to see a nightmarish betrayal and life implosion as an opportunity to RISE UP, STAND UP FOR MYSELF, and START LIVING the way I wanted to live — not the way someone else wanted me to live.
 
In comparison to the freedom I feel now, my old life was parasitic and toxic and suffocating and hellish and depressing and rage-inducing and tragic and horrifying and crushing.
 
I do not exist JUST to be an energy source for someone else.
 
Fuck that shit.
 
And now that I’m out of that mess, I’m never going back.
 
I have a job to do, and it’s not keeping people happy. It’s waking people up. Pushing them to live into MORE because THERE IS MORE.
 
To help them give Satan the middle finger and stop listening to his voice saying things like “Who are you to try to be more?”
 
To pay attention to themselves. Have more respect for themselves. To stop believing lies.
 
To not allow someone to make you into a servant or source from which to siphon.
 
To not allow ANYONE ELSE to sit in the driver’s seat of YOUR life.

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