A Letter to a Leaver

This is a letter I wrote to the parents of someone who hurt me very deeply recently.

I write letters to keep myself grounded. I usually never send the letters because the people I write them to simply lack the frame of mind to process the truth. I operate from that standpoint these days; I don’t waste my time trying to explain or prove myself to anyone anymore. I simply write. I wrote this letter FOR ME and to preserve my sanity.

Names have been changed to protect the identity of the people involved.

Not because they deserve protection — I AM NOT A THREAT — but because I deserve protection — from them.

To whom it may concern,

My name is Caitlin Pyle.

My former husband abused me financially, psychologically, emotionally, and sexually for nearly a decade — even before we were married. He conspired with our CPA and members of his family to take my business out from under me after he funneled all of my money into accounts I did not have access to.

In January, he sued me for total control over everything I’ve spent my entire life building. My ex husband is a narcissistic abuser who is trying to erase me completely.

I was not aware of this abuse until after he left me. That is a condition called Stockholm Syndrome.

Justin is a witness to the pain he saw me in while my ex husband was abusing me.

My ex left me on December 2, 2017 when he had a one-night stand with a diseased woman — but he would not leave my house until almost a year later.

I met Justin in July of 2018, when my abuser still ran my life — but he was out for the night and had given me permission to date other people (so he could feel good about his one-night stands).

Justin did nothing wrong in getting involved with me.

Before my ex husband tried to steal my identity, he gave me two STIs and blamed me for them, raped me for years, and stole $1.8M from me with the help of his parents and a very crooked CPA.

I have evidence for all of this; these are not empty claims, and that is why I have shared so much evidence with Justin. It is all real, filed-with-the-court evidence in the case my husband filed against me in an attempt to steal my entire life.

But you can’t erase someone like me. You can’t steal someone’s personality. You’re witnessing someone try; they are failing. Just Google his name and see that it is always attached to mine; Google my name and see that it is attached to no one’s.

My ex husband’s abuse towards me caused me to be misdiagnosed with bipolar II disorder instead of what I really had: Battered Woman’s Syndrome — a type of PTSD and natural progression of Stockholm syndrome.

That’s why I was so desperate to get Justin’s attention.

Justin witnessed it all happen firsthand. Hundreds of hours of conversations and questions he asked that eventually woke me up to what was really happening in my life: massive-scale abuse. Attempts to take away my very life — an attempt to make me disappear.

The way I see it, God sent Justin to me as a rescuer; a hero — because Justin was the only person who noticed that something was wrong in my life, and he tried to help me.

Justin was not abusing me then, even though briefly I feared he had — and that I was simply caught in the cycle when I met him.

It takes time to re-enter reality when you’ve undergone that kind of trauma. I had no evidence that Justin hurt me in any way; I simply imagined he wanted to take advantage of me because everyone else in my life who said they loved me… had abused me or taken heavy advantage of me in some way.

Justin never abused or assaulted me in July. He set me free by reminding me; nay, telling me that God loved me and that “those stupid Christians” were wrong… and that I WAS WRONG about me too.

I didn’t know I was being abused by my husband and felt it was my fault. I blamed myself for how shitty I felt because I didn’t know what my husband was doing to me WAS NOT okay.

It is NOT OKAY for my husband to force me to have sex with him even though I told him it hurt.

It is NOT OKAY for my husband to control me by controlling all of my money.

It is NOT OKAY for my husband to sleep with someone else unprotected then blame me when I contract chlamydia.

Justin, when I told him sex was hurting me, IMMEDIATELY stopped. It blew my mind.

How Justin treated me the one and only night I’ve ever seen his face in person… was the first time I’d ever been respected by a man in an intimate situation. You should truly be proud of him for that. He even told me it was his job to make sure I feel safe whenever we are together.

I don’t think he realizes the big role he played because of the pain he feels from his own past abuse — he was abused by women which makes it so, so hard to recognize that I am not abusing him in telling him the truth using words.

But Justin abused women after his own abuse. He told me ALL about the women he “loved and left”… and he told me he wasn’t like that anymore…

… but then he left anyway.

That’s where it gets sticky because even though he wasn’t abusing me when we met… we hadn’t seen each other in almost three months when everything went down in October…. and he had been under a lot of stress; I’d even told him I didn’t want to see him anymore, and I could tell it hurt him.

That is how I know that Justin has no idea what is really going on.

I am a real person with feelings, you guys, and it’s not okay the way he’s treating me. The Justin I met in July never, ever would’ve done this if he knew the truth.

I am a beautiful and brilliant woman… even though Justin mistreated me in a BIG way:

  • by gaslighting me (GOOGLE IT; it’s making someone you’ve wronged question their sanity)
  • by telling the cops lies about me (= BEARING FALSE WITNESS)
  • and claiming that my mere mention of his name as a witness to my abuse was “cyberbullying (more lying and gaslighting).

You don’t do that to an abused woman. You don’t do that to anyone. It’s wrong.

But that’s what Justin is doing right now.

Justin tried to serve me with a restraining order while I was in California — with NO ill intention whatsoever — simply because I was finally brave enough to speak up and say HE WITNESSED MY PAIN.

That’s all I did to set him off. He was initially pissed because I added his mother as a friend along with a bunch of others, back in October.

I realize that was weird, but it was not a crime — and I explained to him why I did it.

It’s not his right to tell me who I can and can’t be friends with. It’s not.

Because of my ex husband’s abuse against me, I’ve been in pretty consistent contact with the Winter Park Police Department, where Justin went and attempted to file a report against me — two officers came to my house and said he’d claimed I was trying to blackmail him, which isn’t true at all. He told them I was going to post footage of us in my house as “revenge” for him ghosting me.

That is gaslighting. Through the cops, Justin attempted to gaslight me. THIS IS SICK BEHAVIOR.

This should concern you.

The truth is Justin loved me harder than I’d ever been loved before and it woke me up. He told me that God didn’t hate me. He told me that I was not committing adultery because I was still married on paper. He told me that he loved everyone and would never ghost me or make me feel like I had no value.

BUT THEN HE DID EXACTLY THAT.

That is why it freaked me out so much when Justin abandoned me too — after I told him I really, really needed him. Justin ran away from me when I really needed his support.

My love for him in spite of all that? That’s literally the definition of unconditional “agape” love. It blows my mind to see myself somehow continuing to love Justin and praying for him even though he has rejected me so coldly AND GASLIGHTED ME.

I have BEGGED GOD to make me stop loving this man, and I cannot.

It is torture. The best thing I can do is just keep living my life as best as I possibly can, without him; time heals all wounds.

I know that the Justin I met in July and the Justin that — well, let’s just say it — abused me are two different versions of the same man: an evil one and a good one.

One influenced by Satan and one influenced by God.

I am not a threat. I’m an abuse survivor. The last thing I want to do is hurt Justin — even though he has hurt me so, so much by refusing to just be there when I needed someone who SAW the abuse.

Somehow Justin knew, you guys. The God-influenced version of Justin saw me hurting. He asked me questions about why I was staying with my husband back when I had no idea I was being so severely abused by him (look up Stockholm Syndrome).

I have been trying to reach Justin in so many ways because I believed him to be a safe and loving person… but instead of believing me, he ran away screaming and calling me a criminal.

He allowed fear to drive his actions. NOT love. God told us not to be afraid, ever, and Justin is afraid of me for no reason.

He didn’t show up like a man when I needed him — when my ex husband WHO ABUSED ME literally tried to erase me from the world by Baker Acting me (abandoning me in a mental hospital on claims I was schizophrenic) and attempting to usurp my business the very next day.

Like I am worthless.

I know I am not worthless; I am priceless. I am GOD’S DAUGHTER who has been abused her entire life financially, sexually, emotionally, and psychologically.

I am not garbage to be discarded.

Justin thought he knew better. He didn’t recognize Christ’s redemption. He tried to snuff out my light… so I wouldn’t hurt his “real” friends and family.

He threw me away to preserve his own image. He values preserving you guys’ opinion of him so much more than doing the right thing… and it is so obvious. It is also very sad to see.

I would never hurt anyone. Don’t you think if I were truly dangerous, Justin would have more than a dozen love letters to prove it?

(BTW my last letter to Justin was handwritten; it is me telling Justin that I’m moving on and I asked him not to call the cops like a big chicken just because I wrote him a letter.)

In October, when my abusive husband left me, Justin was the first person I told.

At the time, I was consumed by love, overflowing with joy and wonder… and he laughed at me, sent me a 👍 emoji, and told me to listen to other people instead of my own heart and the Word of God.

That is not okay. And you should know about it. That’s why I am writing. His parents didn’t raise their son to be like this. In fact, he praises both of his parents for raising him to be a good man.

Good men do not abuse women. Good men don’t RUN AWAY when another of God’s children genuinely needed support and true witness.

But that is what he is doing, and it is not okay.

I AM innocent and adventurous — exactly as Justin said — and God loves me for exactly who I am… exactly as Justin said.

Back then, Justin loved me for exactly who I was, he saw my real beauty and worth, even though no one else did. Even though I didn’t. God spoke his agape love to me through Justin.

But for the last six months he’s been calling my true beauty, innocence, and adventuresome spirit a lie. He saw the pure love inside me come alive right in front of him… but because he didn’t recognize it, he dismissed me as a lunatic.

That’s literally what got Jesus crucified. Jesus didn’t follow the rules either; he came to break them… and it pissed off the religious “leaders.” The world didn’t recognize him, so they murdered him without having a clue what they were doing.

Why would Justin want to hide me from anyone? It doesn’t make sense in this world nor in God’s Kingdom.

I believe Justin is fighting the same fight Jesus prophesied all throughout the New Testament: the fight between good and evil. NOT a fight of flesh and blood.

Any action stemming from fear vs. faith is an action stemming from Satan… not God.

If I weren’t a Christian, in another life, I might choose to sue Justin because he filed false criminal charges against me that unduly tarnished my heretofore perfectly clean record —- just a few months before my new book hits bookstores.

BUT I AM A CHRISTIAN, a real one, and I will not fight evil with evil.

My goal is for the truth to be made known — not to hurt anyone or repay hurt with hurt.

That is the same reason Justin gave for why he’s not suing the guy who’s holding his code hostage… but the truth is, that guy needs to give Justin his code back, and an attorney can help him with this.

Telling Justin not to file a lawsuit is the same as the people in my life telling me that my ex husband did what he did to me because he loved me. It’s not rooted in truth.

God is just; He doesn’t want us to lay down and let assholes take advantage of us. I learned this the hard way.

The truth will prevail.

Signed,

Caitlin Johanna Pyle

5 Comments

  • Truthsayer
    Very convenient how you left out the part where you publicly posted on your FB that "Justin" sexually assaulted you and then said you were going to show the world the evidence if he didn't respond to you in a certain amount of time. Also convenient how all of your posts on FB about "Justin" and Ben have now been scrubbed from existence. Probably because your lawyer rightly told you that you should stop defaming and lying about people publicly. I don't expect you'll approve this because you're so AMAZING AND BRILLIANT that you're never wrong. Good luck. You need it.
  • Caitlin Pyle
    Oh, no -- you forgot "brave." So I had to approve it so I could correct you, O Ridiculous GASLIGHTER. Battered Woman's Syndrome causes the sufferer paranoia that ALL MEN are abusers. You are ignorant and mean, and you are spending time on the internet trying to gaslight an abuse survivor. Classy.
  • Caitlin Pyle
    ALSO... my lawyer didn't tell me to stop defaming or lying about anyone; he said to not post about MY RELATIONSHIP on social media, so I stopped. That doesn't mean I can't speak and advocate for other survivors and telling the truth. AND he didn't tell me to stop lying and defaming because I NEVER lie or defame; I only speak the truth. I said I would send a very nice video (the transcript is on my Medium article which is still LIVE: https://medium.com/@caitlinpyle/understanding-narcissism-how-to-lovingly-forgive-a-man-who-sexually-assaulted-you-while-d62027cd0597 And I also said I wouldn't send THE REAL VERSION of this letter to "Justin's" parents. Because of the near-constant gaslighting I've experienced my entire life, I always thought I couldn't change my mind. So I decided to face that fear head on and send the letter. Signed. There is nothing wrong about telling the truth, ever. On December 27, 2018, "Justin" threatened me and made me feel like a criminal for wanting to share the truth with his parents, to whom he'd been lying. And that isn't okay. He can hide the truth, but I do not have to, nor do I have any legal obligation to or fear of doing so. WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK OF ME? Their son is threatening an abused woman and lying about his involvement with her. Justin and his parents' reaction to the TRUTH is their responsibility, not mine -- it is only my responsibility to speak up -- and by speaking up, I have done NOTHING wrong. Gaslighting... it is some nasty shit.
  • Truthsayer
    All that writing and no admission of the fact that you said "Justin" sexually assaulted you and then you were all over FB saying you love him and pretending it never happened. Of course you've done nothing wrong. You never do. You're perfect right? And everyone else is narcissistic. What a joke.
  • Caitlin Pyle
    I do love him. He did make some mistakes... but now I know why. BTW... my blog tells me where you live ;-)

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